Would you wear a wedding ring just to keep away unwanted attention? Or would you pretend as if you have a bae just to stop some folk from approaching you? Many people are doing this. What is more, it’s really pathetic when people assume that you are available (on the market) just because you are single. Nowadays, you can’t even compliment someone of the opposite sex without it being misconstrued as flirting. I’m just saying. 

Millions of people fill out applications just for the chance to find a real love or a suitable person to date month after month. I never thought that I’d admit it, but I actually thought about it a time or two. Okay, okay, okay. I signed up a couple of times on two different sites, but I deleted my accounts, because it seemed too creepy after the emails started rolling in with the “winks” and “pokes” from strange men.

Over the past few decade(s), online dating sites have been sprouting up so fast that it’s getting really hard to determine the good ones from the bad. Every time you turn around a commercial is on about Match.com, eHarmony.com, BlackPeopleMeet.com, or Ourtime.com (a website for seniors). There is even a Christian dating site that use to run ads about finding God’s match for you. Rhetorically speaking, with all of these available options, why are so many people “still” single? And why are so many looking for love online?

Let’s really think about that for a second. Perhaps, some people want to be single. Right? Believe it or not, some women do not want to ever get married. Shonda Rhimes, creator of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder, discussed this in an recent interview with Oprah Winfrey. I literally jumped for joy when she said, marriage isn’t for her.

“Since I was 5, I could tell you I was going to have kids,” Rhimes said. “I could tell you I was going to have three. I could tell you they were going to be girls. But I have never wanted to get married. I never played bride. I was never interested. I don’t know what it is; I never wanted to get married.” – Shonda Rhimes

When Oprah weighed in, I thought to myself, maybe now that a couple of famous successful African American women openly discussed their reasons for not wanting to be married, people will finally get it.

While there are many benefits to marriage, there are equally many benefits to being single. Living the single life is awesome.  However, wearing it like a badge can create problems. I suppose that’s why I prefer not to use dating sites or advertise my status. I don’t like the pressures that come with being in a relationship either. I rather focus on my life: family, career, and personal development. Yes… Dating maybe good for some, but not me.  I don’t have the time right now. Besides, your lucky if these guys give you their real name. Dating is a full time job. You have to do too much work (phone screen, background check, and then perhaps a lunch date). Just like the hiring process, you quickly find out that many simply don’t fit the bill (not even qualified).

Social media sites, including LinkIn, are inundated with Internet Trolls looking for “Mrs. or Mr. Right Now” – the next fool to play a staring role in their movie. To make matters worse, too many folk think they’re some sort of a matchmaker like Patti Stager, for example. You know, the Millionaire Matchmaker. Well, obviously, I’m not talking about professional matchmakers.  I’m referring to our dear meddling friends, family, church members, and coworkers. You know the ones that adamantly insist that it’s time for you to start dating and keep encouraging you to get hitched because they know what’s best for your life. Anyway, while I appreciate the concern, being pressured into marriage or even dating is not good.

“If you’re a woman in your thirties or forties, that’s a big deal. Everybody’s asking you all the time if it’s going to happen … There’s a huge amount of pressure.” – Shonda Rhimes

I could go on and on, but the truth is marriage is not for me. I was not that little girl that dreamed of getting married. Truth is, I don’t want to be wifey. Yes, I tried dating, but none of the men were even remotely close to my type. Men really changed after my twenties. The guys looked nothing close to their profile pictures either. Again… I would be surprised, if they actually used their real name. Anyway, my moral compass will not allow me to wander hopelessly from soul to soul. Therefore, I adopted a new dating process similar to the hiring process a couple of years ago to eliminate the CRAY CRAY(s).

If you are dating and tired of all the foolery from the online dating website. Make your own dating application of the essential questions that you want to know before going out with them and please do a phone screen to determine if their crazy.  Get enough information about them to do your due diligence.  Oh and by the way, the county websites have enough information to determine if Jane Doe is really “John” Doe or whether John Doe is really “Jane” Doe, for example.

As for me right now, I’m gonna keep it simple. There’s no need to apply when a position isn’t available. I will discuss the steps in the dating process in another post. So tell me, have you used an online dating site? Did it work for you? Are the “Internet Trolls” driving you nuts? Hit me up in the comments below.